Inception is the greatest and worst noun ever made. Every aspect of it makes you want to shit yourself with delight and contempt. Read On!


    To say the opening night of Inception was the most hotly anticipated movie-going event of the summer is a massive understatement. Inception is the most hotly-anticipated movie event of the last fifty years. Man, woman, child, beast and bird have all Tweeted, Facebooked, Texted, Emailed, Snail-Mailed, Carrier-Pigeoned and orally assaulted (in good ways and bad) every know human being on the planet about the deification of director Christopher Nolan and his Ark of the Covenant, INCEPTION! 

    Additionally, to say that INCEPTION lives up to all of its lofty ambitions and expectations is a massive understatement. It EXCEEDS them. Inception is with-out a doubt the feel-good family movie event of the century. Sure to delight audiences of all ages, your kids will appreciate Leo DiCaprio (of THE BEACH) and his rag tag team of lovable misfits (including Marion Cotillard as the stunningly sweet-as-pie wife who despite a few personality inconsistencies is still the hottest French kisser in town!) romping through the fields of the mind. 

    Inception does to the Heist, Action, Suspense, Dramatic and Comedic genres what Christ did to all good, decent people of Earth (Christians) - it saves them.  Inception is the body and the blood of film-making and you MUST commune with it this weekend or be forced to suffer through the likes of You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger. Inception makes The Godfather look like Shakespeare In Love.

    In the film (SPOILER ALERT) which also stars Kevin Spacey as the murderer at the end (END SPOILER ALERT) Widower U.S. Marshal Edward "Teddy" Daniels (DiCaprio) and his new partner Chuck Aule (Joseph Gordon Levitt) go to Shutter Island on a ferry boat to the home of Ashecliffe Hospital for the Criminally insane, to investigate the disappearance of a patient, multiple murderess Rachel Solando, who has escaped the hospital and apparently the desolate barren island, despite having been kept in a locked cell under constant supervision. At the end of the film it is revealed that Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time and Leo DiCaprio (SPOILER ALERT) is still insane and trapped in the mental institution. 

    Shit. Was that Shutter Island? Damn. I need to stop doing that.

   Inception is Shutter Island (spooky, spooky) begets The Bourne Identity (Handheld! Slow-mo! Fast-whoa!) begets The French Connection (Drive this car. LOUDER!) begets The Matrix/Speed (that van just seems to never speed up) begets Oceans 11, 12, Dirty Dozen, Italian Job, and the Italian Job Remake (we love archetypes!) begets What's Eating Gilbert Grape (some of Leo's acting choices are consistently retarded). Making it the greatest movie EVER.

    However, Inception is also the worst movie ever. Inception? More like Ineption (also considered: Erection, Misdirection, Perplex-ion and Seen-This-Before-But-This-Feels-Cooler-Without-Adderall...ion)

    In Inception you talk like everything you say is the most important thing you're ever going to say EVER or you might as well be Elizabeth Hurley doing Shakespeare. The twist at the end is totally expected and just exists to fuck with the audiences' mind which is okay but it's like your girlfriend saying "do you have another condom?" and you just want to go "It's 3 in the morning, I have to work tomorrow, can we just...not?" 

    Inception is the biggest piece of shit that has ever been put to what was once celluloid. It insists on itself, it aims but never hits - it is like watching a pack of Kid Rock's beating the living blumpkin out of Mother Theresa while Buddha and Mohammad are forced to watch. Do not bring your friends. Bring your enemies. Make them watch what should have been called Shutter Island 2 - Boring Always Sucks. Oh and don't even try giving anyone in this movie acting lessons because they're all hopeless. Oh and the bus falling off the bridge is consistently hilarious and all you want to do is scream "FUCKING DIE ALREADY!"

    In conclusion. I'm right - you're wrong. It is messiah and Anti-Christ. It is peanut butter and organic peanut butter. It is delicious taffy and delicious salt-water taffy filled with razor blades. I love-hate this movie.

    Just kidding, I thought it was awesome and if it was a chick she'd be totally hot. I give it a C+.


-Charlie the Lumberjack